Ton Leeuwrik

The first day is almost over. The reception, the attention from loved ones and guests, the first steps while seated before heading out alone. The much too heavy backpack—although I wouldn't know what I could have left at home—the noisy first kilometers in residential areas, etc., the phone still interfering, the GPX route that took me from Huidduinen to Den Helder while I start in Den Helder… the hassle of getting started.

It is, after all, a way to unwind; the nerves I simply had (will I make it and what emotions will surface inside me) had to make way for walking and staying true to myself.

I ate my “lunch” in the bus shelter in front of the COA in Den Helder, the former prison. It is a mixed feeling that comes to mind right now: will they feel the same way? Letting go of our company, feeling sidelined while I have done so much and am capable of so much, relying on others to get to work on everything, not having an immediate soul purpose at hand, and what else is still in store for me? This is just the beginning, even though I already have a life behind me. Just called my dear wife at home; she is struggling with her own health and went for a consultation with the doctor for it, and has a busy schedule ahead of her—Easter alone.

Fortunately, we “know” that there is an undercurrent of unconditional love for each other, that we grant each other our own paths. But how are we going to *un-meet* each other again in 22 days?

So, I’ve already experienced the first impressions today. Letting go of the company isn't an order; it is fine, but the path it has taken, or is taking, touches my feelings. Anger is rising within and towards myself.

I support letting go and handing over, and I want to do that together in terms of trust and communication.

Above all, looking ahead to how communication and trust can be improved, so that I get the feeling of being taken along. That is lacking now, and sometimes I become alert and distrust what I see and hear. That isn't necessary, because I don't want to take back the process, and the team is handling it well. My guiding sentence for tomorrow will be:

I no longer need to be the source of movement to remain valuably present

Day 2:

What had turned out to be an intense day in my mind actually went incredibly well. This morning started with a wonderful breakfast together. At the reception, during the farewell, I was immediately touched: why are you doing this? Well, to let go of our company in the phase it is currently in. Essentially raw, to let go of your child. He is 19 now, and in hindsight, this presented itself two years earlier. The way this came to me certainly didn't feel right. I felt pushed aside, even though it was actually good to let go. The way I experienced it doesn't feel right, but that is just me, I know now. By signing up for the Ziltepad and also being chosen as a lucky one, I am finally able to truly surrender to letting go; everything is already falling into place. In addition, it immediately feels like grieving, pain, sadness, and searching for my soul's passion. Yes, and genuinely feeling proud for a moment of what we have built together. It is standing. Wow, how hard it is to admit that what is standing is really cool, and to let go, whereas I would do it differently myself. I also have full confidence that the team will simply do it. I will always be there as a sounding board if they need me. Their course will be an extension of and building upon the foundation we have laid. I do want to look together at how we can fulfill our final financial responsibility.

Shortly after my departure, Marianne (I am her husband) passed me her first card of the day. It comes from her self-created card deck, *Lichtfrequenties*. It is the card: 37 Earth Star. It stands for

Be aware of the connection with the earth. By connecting well with this, you connect with the earth (safety) and with life here on earth. You feel supported and the primal principle of acceptance and surrender to… Connect with it and feel supported and loved by the source that sustains all life. That helped me on the beach and during the rest of the day.

12 km to go today.

From the beach, it was quite a trip, especially from the ferry to the church in Anna Paulowna. Still, my body held up surprisingly well, so well in fact that I even walked to the amazing B&B 3.5 km away. Now I’ve comfortably retreated to my room. I’ve done enough studying, had a delicious meal at the Pastorie, where the Church Silver from the Podcast was retrieved from the vault in the church especially for us, had a lovely chat with each other, and looked forward to tomorrow.